Reader Post | By GK
I was killing a couple months in a motel room waiting for the apartment I am currently in. I was 57 and my crazy life of homeless travel, couch surfing, short media gigs, gigs trimming medical marijuana and a fine blend of chaos, confusion and games of chance had led me to a lucky break.
I had just been granted an SSI check which would barely cover life’s expenses but it paid better than homelessness. I was hillbilly rich in a way. If only I had a still. The motel owner was a hillbilly who could drink 30 beers a day easily and he was the type who wanted company. If you stepped out the door, he was outside with a cooler on the back of his truck not far away in the front. “Want a beer?”
The answer was sometimes yes to be friendly but mostly I had some excuse to duck back into the room. I wrote several songs in that period. This is an essay I sent to Patrick accompanied with one of those songs.
Give it a chance, if we start to fight, he will blow his whistle and we have to stay 15 yards away from each other. Better than that stupid marriage counselor who always takes your side.
(By the way they are in a car, not a bed, but whatever…)
I Made Her My God
We all do it. Be it football teams, players, singers, musicians, artists of all brush strokes… even money. Or should I say, especially money.
Some of us even worship ourselves. Put our own needs and ego before God. It is hard not to do.
Amazing how seeking comfort can be the holy grail. That comfort can mean to stop the pain. Physical or emotional, stop it from hurting Doctor, bartender, drug dealer, piemaker. Comfy pillow factory.
And love… when we aren’t loved as we think we should be loved. By our significant others, our children, our families, our friends.
I guess that is why God allowed mankind to domesticate wolves and turn them into dogs. He figured, ah what the heck… They can play God this one time and I will look the other way. And just to help I will bless their souls with unconditional love. Dogs that is.
This song, “I made her my God” came very quickly as some songs do.
Have you been there? Love sick? Saying and doing stupid pathetic things because our desire for love is not being requited in the way we deem to be fulfilling, satisfying? Getting the fix our addiction requires?
And we do know a Dog is not enough when the dust settles. We really do need a good God that listens to our prayers and answers them in subtle ways just to let us know a divine force is indeed all around us. There to tap into like the faucet in the kitchen. Turn it on to a slow steady stream because we don’t need to waste water or God’s energy. Just enough to meet needs.
Our dreams of money and grandeur? Will we be happy with just enough?
Pretty hard to be satisfied after all this dreaming of wealth and independence. Again I look at my dog. He could care less about wealth although if he were allowed to he would eat everything in a grocery store and puke and eat some more.
Just a reminder. To myself and others. Let go, let God, quit writing false belief systems into our minds to rationalize hypocrisy. The path leads to H …E…double toothpicks.
inching toward my goal.
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